Monday 3 September 2012

Glowing Reviews

Catherine McNamara's 'The Divorced Lady's Companion to Living in Italy' is the best thing since sliced bread. It has changed my life. It thrilled me from the first kinky words and I walked into elevators and doors gripping my copy. In bed I laughed like an insane woman – I just couldn’t get enough; I didn’t want it to end.

Catherine's book resounded with meaning for me: it has made me love prosecco and the Dolomites and the Italian language. It has improved my relationship with my children. Now, when I look at the High Gothic Duomo of Milan, I whimper. Thanks to Catherine's saucy characters and liberating vision of older women, I have realised that - if I really want to - I can wear purple and wield a whip.

Buy this divine book and you will find love, culture and prosecco in dizzying amounts...



Whaat? Where on earth did I find this review?

The truth is I wrote it ten minutes ago and think I could improve a few things.

This morning, having my Daily Mail hit, I read that crime writer R.J. Ellory has been caught out writing glowing Amazon reviews for his novel. Not only that, he has been mean and nasty about books written by his other authors in his field.

Catherine McNamara’s book is a sleazy, entirely non-feminist rant that leaves me wishing she would just shut up. I didn’t laugh once. Her ideas are disturbed, her dialogue sucks, she should be arrested for her syntax and lack of understanding of Italian culture. Not only that, she must be an irresponsible person who couldn’t cook to save herself, and probably slaps her children around and has a drinking problem. Definitely has a drinking problem. I would pay you not to read this book.

Mr. Ellory! Shame on you!

His reply: Everybody does it. Do they? Is this something I am not in on? Sure, I have asked friends and readers in a nice voice, And if you wouldn’t mind popping something up on Amazon or Goodreads, even if you hated it.. And one friend did reply, Well, write me a review and I’ll post it..


But naahh! I know there is huge competition out there. That writers can be slimey and buyers just show no good sense (50 Shades of WTF – thanks Downith!). But is this where it’s at these days?

Have you ever written yourself up in a review? Or tried to pull the others down a peg? Huh??

11 comments:

  1. What I can't understand is why does RJ Ellory feel the need to do it? His books were selling quite well last time I looked, he's not a bad writer. And his glowing self-reviews were so over the top they became parodies, so completely unbelievable anyway. But I agree with you, giving bad reviews to others just for the hell of it, that is too much for anyone's sense of humour!

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    1. I know! A bad review is bad enough but a bad review written by a fellow author?! How can anyone be so nasty?

      I'm afraid Mr Ellory might have driven away quite a few of his fans. Or maybe not? He does look rather silly up there confessing - like a contrite schoolboy!

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  2. No, I would never. Ever. I would feel incredibly silly. And bad reviews for other authors, just to be an asshole? Come on, how old are you, Mr Ellory?

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    1. Exactly! I am almost embarrassed for him, thinking of him toiling over his adverbs!

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  3. Ha! I love your take on this, Cat. I read about this too and was really turned off.

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    1. Yes I had a laugh too! Though I really can't imagine how he thought he could get away with it.

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  4. I hadn't heard about this! That is just plain embarrassing. Of course, I can imagine *wanting* to do something like this, but pray I would sober up first ;)

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    1. Yes it might be a flicker in the back of your brain, but one you know you're going to ignore!!

      It's just way too uncool.

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  5. Holy smokes! What a terror upon getting caught out! That's terrible.

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    1. Yes this bloke's face has been in the papers all week, online all over. What must his mum think?! It's so silly really, debasing your own hard work like that.

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  6. Short answer: No.

    Long answer: I couldn't do that. I can't even build up the courage to ask anyone I know who has read the book to please write a review if they liked it and can spare a few minutes because it's really important... See? I'm not even asking them and I'm all apologetic already. I don't understand how people always think they won't be caught out. I'm embarrassed for him.

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